ugh i'm terrible

Hey booki, i'm really sorry. I was really selfish when we were talking about the long-distance stuff. I don't know exactly why, but the pace that we set for the summer was just weird for me. When you left and Keith was there you could hardly talk on the phone, so I sought out other people to fill the gap you left. I started hanging out with Jen and Blythe like everyday and I got used to not being able to talk to you all that much. Then when Keith left and you were suddenly able to talk I had already rearranged my priorities and had made myself too busy to keep up with talking to you as much as I should have. Sadly, since that was the first week of summer it kind of set the tone for everything until now. However, now that I've just returned from visiting you it's like we're able to start again fresh and I kind of get to reset my priorities again.

I'm glad that this is online because you can't see me crying while i think about this. I love Brett so much. So much. I'm so nervous about going back to depauw without him. Seeing him everyday was one of the few things that was consistently fantastic while at school. I think all of last year we only fought twice, and those didn't last very long at all. I don't know how I'm going to deal with school without him.

I don't think our current solution is very good. I wish that we were together, physically and emotionally (as-in in a relationship). I just hate that we cannot be together. I guess this is best though, I am only 19, and this way if/when we get back together we'll be a little older and better able to decide if we really are meant for eachother. I just feel so confident that we are, and I'm impatient.

I don't know if staying together is a better option after all, but it is much less painfull to think about. I know I was being so selfish earlier, I was just in a bad place and I'm not there any more.
Ugh I don't want to wake up in Michigan tomorrow and have to go back to work. I wish i could wake up in Hawaii, with Brett, and continue my perfect vacation with my wonderful boyfriend in paradise.