i don't know, maybe we should call it quits? I know that we'll both get really busy again when school starts up and won't have time to update. we'll still have email and the phone is check up on each other. i don't know...

What ought we to do with our blog? I wasn't very good at keeping it up because I had such a crazy busy summer (which was my own doing). Now i'm not as busy, but we aren't dating. What should we do with it?

ugh i'm terrible

Hey booki, i'm really sorry. I was really selfish when we were talking about the long-distance stuff. I don't know exactly why, but the pace that we set for the summer was just weird for me. When you left and Keith was there you could hardly talk on the phone, so I sought out other people to fill the gap you left. I started hanging out with Jen and Blythe like everyday and I got used to not being able to talk to you all that much. Then when Keith left and you were suddenly able to talk I had already rearranged my priorities and had made myself too busy to keep up with talking to you as much as I should have. Sadly, since that was the first week of summer it kind of set the tone for everything until now. However, now that I've just returned from visiting you it's like we're able to start again fresh and I kind of get to reset my priorities again.

I'm glad that this is online because you can't see me crying while i think about this. I love Brett so much. So much. I'm so nervous about going back to depauw without him. Seeing him everyday was one of the few things that was consistently fantastic while at school. I think all of last year we only fought twice, and those didn't last very long at all. I don't know how I'm going to deal with school without him.

I don't think our current solution is very good. I wish that we were together, physically and emotionally (as-in in a relationship). I just hate that we cannot be together. I guess this is best though, I am only 19, and this way if/when we get back together we'll be a little older and better able to decide if we really are meant for eachother. I just feel so confident that we are, and I'm impatient.

I don't know if staying together is a better option after all, but it is much less painfull to think about. I know I was being so selfish earlier, I was just in a bad place and I'm not there any more.
Ugh I don't want to wake up in Michigan tomorrow and have to go back to work. I wish i could wake up in Hawaii, with Brett, and continue my perfect vacation with my wonderful boyfriend in paradise.

Update

It's been a little over a month since I've been gone from school and I'm already having my doubts. I don't know if it's worth it anymore. I love Caitlin so much, but I'm just feeling so depressed and what she said on the phone made me feel even worse. I wasn't mad or anything, I just didn't get why she had to bring up something like that, a month before she comes to visit me and before I hear from UH if I can study there this semester. I couldn't believe how she just talked about how hard it would be for her to be in a long-distance relationship for such a long time because of reasons pertaining to her, as if it's easier for me to go through this. And we haven't even been apart for that long.

I trust her and all, that she would never cheat on me; and I'm really grateful that she trusts me, too. But for her to tell me how difficult it would to be in a long-distance relationship with me only a month after we've last seen each other--and for results pertaining to her "needs"--just really made me feel sick.

June 23, 2008

I still don't know how to make this blog private. In any case, I need to learn how to budget my money. And learn how to transfer money from one bank account to another. Ugh.. i wished i knew how to do this when i was a little younger, some time before i became a supposed "grown-up" and had to have learned all these things already. I wish i were more "street smart" than I am; I wish I weren't so far behind the curve in life.



I hope that we can continue to use this blog.

Ist week recap

Keith is gone and I finally have some time to myself. I did get myself a nice tan while he was here, since I went to the beach almost everyday. Poor keith forgot to sunscreen his feet, and so his feet turned bright red and he had a hard time walking the first couple days he was here. We went to waimea bay and I jumped off a big rock. caitlin didn't approve. i hope she doesn't die innertubing for i will not be too thrilled if she does. here's a picture of the rock, it's about 25-30 ft. high.

What will we use this site for? Communication? talk about our everyday life? random stuff? all of the above?

i owe you some tea by the way

Caitlin: Sammy's humping his blanket and my first post